I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
