O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
