I puked a lego.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
