Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
