Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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