The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
