Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize