She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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