I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
