he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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