Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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