I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
