I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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