you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
