And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize