U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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