your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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