The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
