I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
