Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
