did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
