"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
