break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
