Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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