Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
