Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
