Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
