I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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