my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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