we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
