She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
