we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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