evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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