Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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