Me. At least after what I've been through.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
