Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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