guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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