My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize