Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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