tell your sister to shave her snatch
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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