Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You have to summon your inner elephant
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize