These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
