i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
