I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
