Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He passed out mid-signature
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
