do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
