im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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