smell my finger.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
