Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
