If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
