He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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