you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
