Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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