nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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