i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
