Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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