you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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