Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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