Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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