My liver just broke up with me...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
