my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
