Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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