the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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