she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
