I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I need to align my fucking chakras
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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