y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
