Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
