Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
