So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
