You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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