Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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