she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
