How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
